Life and Death

I know I shouldn't be blogging at this point of time. I should be studying for my EOS, or maybe I should be sleeping.

But this thought about life and death still bothers me a lot. Maybe I should pen it down somewhere.

What exactly is life? Life in this world. What is the meaning and purpose of life in this world? Is it just a temporary place of transit for us before moving on to our afterlife? Or are we just here because of the cycle of karma (cause and effect)?

Even if we're just here because of our religion, whatever life and death mean in our respective religion, but what's our purpose and role here in this life?

I personally think that everyone is kind and pure by nature. Everyone is willing to help each other and SELFLESS shouldn't be just a term to describe a minority group of people. And hence, our basic role in life should be to help as many people as we can, making life easier for each other, because it doesn't hurt a bit to go the extra mile helping other people but it does mean a lot when you know that your help has brought the person some hope and comfort.

But when things happen, when calamity strikes, it seems like people start becoming more selfish and they can even choose not to bother about their own relatives. In this materialistic world today, it is truly heart-wrenching to see people being so selfish and self-centred. People whom I once thought were kind-hearted and selfless are no longer like what I thought.

Maybe I've been too naive. Too silly. Maybe I've been living in my own bubble all along, thinking that everything in this world is beautiful, and everyone in this world is kind by nature. 人性本善？人性本恶？I really don't know. Really can't imagine how shocking I felt when I start realising and seeing the ugly side of humanity. If this is part of growing up, I really don't want to grow up... Why can't everyone be kind to each other? Whats wrong with helping others? I really don't understand...

I really hope that we can live our life to the fullest, not just by fulfilling our material desires, but also by making our life a meaningful one. I would want to dedicate my life to helping people around me, not worrying about going the extra mile, as long as its within my abilities. I would want to be a compassionate and selfless doctor who treats my patient as a whole person, not just giving drugs based on their history sheets. I don't want to live a life of a robot, who looks for monetary gains all the time. I want a meaningful life, a life that I live by helping people out, saving, changing and impacting people's lives. The little things in life will make a lot of difference. Even if its just a smile, it will brighten up someone's gloomy day. Just lend a helping hand whenever you can because you won't know how much will that little gesture mean to another person. If everyone is willing to lend each other a helping hand, the world will be a better place, isn't it?

What is death? I'm in no position to talk about this. But, I know that its something that everyone is fearful of. After being posted in the forensic department for three weeks, I thought that I could handle death pretty well. But it seems like, I don't. I'm not as tough as I thought I am. I once thought that I should be strong for the sake of my family members. But it seems like I'm the one who's crying more. I need to be emotionally tough in the medical profession, but then again, whats the point of being an emotionless doctor who gets so immuned (or even bored) of dealing with death. That's really scary.

Back to death. Its scary. It means putting everything down and moving on to a place that we all have no idea whether it really exists. It means leaving all your loved ones behind. It means a final GOODBYE. It's GOODBYE forever. Its emotionally tough for the one who's leaving as well as for the family members. Its something really hard to accept and the feeling of knowing that you'll be gone forever is definitely very daunting and scary. Unimaginable. All the regrets and all the things undone. All the future plans that can no longer be executed. Really unimaginable.

Everyone can just leave the world at any point of time. No one knows when it'll be our last GOODBYE to our friends and family. It sounds really scary, but its the truth. Maybe we should never live with regrets. Tell your friends and family how much you love them. Tell them how much they truly mean to you. Try your best to spend as much time with them as possible. Tell them you're sorry if you've ever done them wrong. Do and say everything you can and make sure you have no regret for the day. Because no one can guarantee that we'll be up and awake the next day.

Its very sad and hard to accept when you know that your relative might bid the FINAL GOODBYE any moment. Its even sadder when you know that you can't be with him during his last few moments.

"I really can't bear to see you go, and I really regret not spending more time with you. Don't worry, we'll all help to take care of your kids. We'll love them very much. 别担心，你就安心的放下，安心的走吧。"

I will miss you a lot.

What's life all about?

Sometimes I wonder, is it worthwhile to strive so hard in life, doing something against our own conscience, destroying others, just for the sake of getting fame, wealth and glory? I wonder how some people can be so willing to sacrifice their friends, sacrifice their life (not literally), in exchange for all these material gains. Not that I don't strive for what I aim for, but I wouldn't bring myself to do things that will harm people around me, in order to achieve what I want. All things in this world are impermanent. So is it worthwhile to work so hard and lose yourself in the pursuit of all these impermanence?

All men, no matter how rich/ famous we are, in the end, when we die, we all still return to the same soil. 

Hence, I believe that we should always enjoy every single moment we are living, strive for what we need, in moderation. Try to keep a balance, physically, mentally and spiritually in pursuit for excellence and never ever let greed rule our actions. The fame, houses, cash and cars that we own when we are alive will not be buried with us when we die. It is the good deeds that we have done, the positive impact that we have brought to the world that's going to matter; I personally can't be sure whether the good karma is going to bring us to heaven or not, but I'm sure that by doing our part for the society, at least someone who needs help will benefit, will live a better life because of our little gestures. As an individual, I may not be able to bring a great impact to the world, but by making life better for one person, maybe for just one day, it will bring some hope and some happiness to his/her life.  

I once asked myself "What's the purpose of my life in this world, when everything is so impermanent?" My purpose in this life can't be just to study hard, get good results, get a scholarship, get a medical degree, be a doctor, achieve my ambition as a forensic pathologist. Everything will be nothing by the end of the day. I may be rich, may gain some fame and status in society in the future, but did I really serve my purpose living my life here? We won't know when will be our last day on this Earth. It may be today, may be tomorrow, may be years later. We may not be able to achieve our dreams, our ambition. Who knows? Hence, I've decided that my purpose in life will be to help others as much as I can, to bring some hope and positivity to the world around me. 

Well, at least my life will not be wasted if my small gestures can bring some happiness and hope to others. My life will not be wasted if someone else gets to enjoy a full meal because of my donation. My life will not be wasted if someone out there gets to live in a house because of my contribution. My life will not be wasted if someone else out there gets to fulfill his/her dreams because of my help. Many people out there don't get a chance to sit down and enjoy dinner happily with their family members. Many people out there have to hide themselves and live a life of constant fear due to the war in their countries. Many people out there suffer from diseases and have no chance to seek medical help. Many people out there have no clean water to drink and no food to eat. There are many more sufferings out there that we do not experience, we do not realise. We often complain whenever there's no water, when the food we ordered don't taste nice, when the public transport and medical services don't meet our expectations. But we never realise how lucky we actually are. We never realise that we actually have more than enough for a living. We should always be thankful for what we have, spend within our means, and try our level best to help those who are more in need. 

People asked me "Why do I volunteer myself in so many charity events?" Well, I just hope to do my part for the society, for people who needs more help from us. Spending a few hours helping out in an event or collecting donations might be just a small gesture, but it might mean a lot to those who need the help. The money/ items collected could fund people's medical treatment, could be used to buy rice for the poor or the second hand clothes collected could actually be new clothes for those who couldn't afford them. The little smile on the faces of the kids who just received the second hand clothes really melted my heart and brought tears to my eyes. :') Sometimes I truly hope that everyone can be like those kids; treasure things around them a little more, learn to love the people around them a little more and not take everything for granted.

Another question asked "Why do I donate money when I'm not even sure whether those people asking for donations are genuinely from a charitable organisation?" The money that I've donated will benefit people in one way or another. If those people who asked for donation are not genuinely form charitable organisations, they might be asking for donations for themselves. They themselves might need the money. If they're really doing something against their own conscience, one day karma will befall them. But on our side, we just sincerely hope to help people who are in need out there. No harm helping. :)

I once asked "Is there any unconditional love in this world?". A friend of mine answered "Yes, but only parents can do that. Love given by everyone else will be conditional. When we help others, we hope that they'll give us a smile, we hope that they'll be happy, even if we don't ask for a thank you, but hoping that they're happy because of our help is still a condition." That made me ponder for a while. But if there's really no unconditional love (besides parents) in this world, I really won't mind to have "making people around me happy" as my condition then. Well... I help people for a simple reason: that is to make their life easier, happier. I don't mind going the extra mile to help people, sometimes a little beyond my own means. I've never thought of them giving me back anything in return, nor do I help people for the sake of increasing my good karma. I know many people are cynical about this; thinking that every help given by people has a motive behind it. Are people really that realistic? Do we really think twice or thrice, weighing the pros and cons of helping people before lending a helping hand? Well... at least for me, I don't and I choose to believe that majority of the people in this world don't.

Let us all spread our love to those around us. Don't hesitate to help people, even small little gestures can make people's life easier, happier. Posting this does not mean that I'm a saint who helps people all the time. I'm not perfect, nor did I attain enlightenment like the Buddha, I have a lot more to learn to be selfless, to give unconditionally. I still have a lot to learn about compassion and kindness. I still have a lot to learn in life. But I count myself very blessed to be given the chance to learn the Dhamma since young. I'm very thankful to always have the Dhamma in my mind and in my heart, that's always reminding me of what I should do, what I should learn and what I should cherish. The value of impermanence is invaluable. Because of this impermanence, I've learned to cherish and embrace every moment I have. Because of impermanence, I've learned to let go of sadness and hatred, instead learn to give as much as I can to the society. 

Thanks Lord Buddha for all your teachings. I have a lot more to learn from the Dhamma. 

Sadhu, sadhu, sadhu.

picture taken from http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7a/Pink_water_lily.jpg