Perfection...

"Nothing is perfect in life."


No. I definitely do not agree with the above statement. I am a perfectionist who make sure that I excel and attain perfection and success in everything I do in life. Be it tougher or easier. Time-consuming or not. Energy-depleting or not.

Perfection. Something I've been pursuing since I was young. Since the very first day I was born to this world. I still remember there was once when my dad told me that I was such a perfectionist that I would even end up crying when I lost in a game. Haha. Ya, that's me. The girl-next-door who's totally obsessed with perfection and has a horrible intolerance towards imperfection.

Since young, I made sure that I do well in my studies. Trying my very best to reach the peak, clinching victory in each and every competition I participate in. Striving hard to be the top student in school. Never allowing defeat to even appear in my life dictionary.

So that kinda explains why I was so disheartened when I wasn't selected(refer to my older posts). The excruciating pain still lingers on somewhere in a corner of my heart. A pain that will suddenly trigger a tear or two to flow down my cheeks. But it also reminded me that a PERFECTIONIST will only move on and work harder to clinch greater heights, to perfect the little imperfections in life.

Perfection. I've been doing quite a lot of thinking these days. Perhaps I am just too free after the gruelling three weeks of SPM. I realised that even the slightest mistake that I've made previously, throughout my life journey as a seventeen-year-old, will trigger an overwhelming disappointment in me, towards myself.

For instance, the 2009 Sudoku Tournament. It suddenly struck my mind and I was utterly heartbroken when I couldn't even advance to the second round of the competition (I was runner-ups in two consecutive 2008 Sudoku Championships). The pain, it scarred my heart a little. Yes, it healed by itself as time goes by. But, the bitter memory still lingers on.

I know that I'm not a prodigy, not like Baek Seong Jo (in Playful Kiss) who could get full marks in his exams without even studying. No, sadly (or perhaps fortunately), I'm not like him. I clearly understand and experience the true meaning of "hard work pays", "no pain, no gain". Through all these years, I've been working very hard, in order to just feel the triumphant mood when I get to the top of the list. Triumph. Yes.

HARD WORK = TRIUMPH
HARD WORK = SUCCESS
HARD WORK = VICTORY

Personally I feel that "nothing comes easy". There's a Malay saying that goes "Yang bulat tidak datang bergolek, yang pipih tidak datang melayang". Without the bitterness of hard work, we will never taste the sweetness of success.

I've been so obsessed with perfection to a certain level that even the people I idolise are perfectionists themselves. I have a weird habit, whereby I will search for more details about someone whom I thought is good in his/her career, before I select him/her as my idol. But I'm definitely not influenced by them, thus causing me to be a perfectionist, but it's my natural character, I guess... And all of them, who are perfectionists, never fail to succeed in life.

People whom I Idolise
1. JJ Lin - a perfectionist who works and strives very hard in order to garner success and excellence in his career as a singer-songwriter.
2. Rui En - a self-proclaimed perfectionist who would go all out to bring out the soul of every character she plays in a drama and also in every song she sings, as a singer and an actress.
3. Baek Seong Jo (a character in Playful Kiss) - a perfectionist who cannot tolerate dumbness and always excels academically and also in sports (minus the cold and cocky part of him - I'm not)

So there you go. Perfection has become a part of my life. Without perfection, I'm not who I am. Naturally, perfection goes hand-in-hand with pressure. The amount of pressure a perfectionist has to undertake (if you are not a natural prodigy) is well ten times? or perhaps even a hundred times greater than those who would be contented with the simple things in life. Perfection is what I look for, what I seek for. I won't mind even if I break down and cry due to the immense stress and pressure (all thanks to perfection) or even I would have to be insanely indulged in a twenty-four-seven study/practice marathon, as long as I garner success by the end of the day.

Perfection. Yes. I definitely will not allow myself to lose out even a little. My desire to win, win, win and WIN is forever burning in my heart. I give all my best, drain all my energy and strength just to claim the victory. So that explains why I'm being so crazy, starting my A-levels Physics right after my SPM... That explains why I've been looking for more and more information about the Singapore GCE A-levels syllabus (yes, I'm going to Singapore next year)... Besides the fear of the new lifestyle overseas, my fear of losing the perfection in life is urging me to "start ahead, stay ahead" and always be one step ahead of others.

Perfection. Be it in studies or in physical activities. Without perfection, there's no life at all...


the self-proclaimed perfectionist.
Hazel.

Black and White - Justice

Black and white. Very significantly and distinctly different yet compromising colours. Classy and cool. Shows character.

Represents JUSTICE!

Yes. My interest and affection towards black and white had somehow developed after the traumatising "wake-up-call" that I had been through beginning last year (refer to my older posts).

Perhaps I should call it a blessing-in-disguise. It gave me an opportunity to lead an editorial team. It made me realise and be more aware of the darker side of life. It changed me entirely and I guess that this transformation that had taken place truly made me a better person.

To the person who had caused me this heartache, all I could say is

"I hate it, you hurt me so deeply. But I sincerely thank you for it as I've benefited a lot from it and I bet this had caused you much disadvantage!"

Next, my affection towards black and white represents my courage to face up to reality and differ white from black, good from evil and never to believe in grey areas. This forever-fighting-for-justice character of mine hasn't changed much but it seemed to have became more vivid and persistent as time goes by.

I'm currently re-watching a Singapore drama series entitled "Metamorphosis" and it had enhanced my belief that "truth will eventually prevail" and "good will always triumph over evil". This police action show made me think and associate the cases in the show with real life and I realised that if we persist till the end we'll be able to nail down the criminal.

I'd given serious thought about the career that suit my character and personality most and at the same time would also promise me a bright future ahead. I'd once thought of becoming a police (yes, don't sound like me - if you know me personally) but after much consideration I thought it would be most wise if I pursue my dreams in Forensic Science, as I'm a science student myself and my love for science has deepened drastically throughout my secondary school days.

One self-created Chinese quote suddenly struck my mind while I was thinking hard about my faith in justice. Having realised how low my Chinese proficiency level is, I am truly amazed and fancy thinking that I could actually come out with such a phrase made me feel a little flattered (don't mind me... just a spur of the moment)...

Black and white, can represent not only the complex truth and justice, but also symbolises the simplicity of life with touches of in-depth meaning of life - complexity behind the simplicity and also simplicity behind each complexity. Deep. Yes, I'd once thought of going into philosophy but I think it's better to stay rooted to the ground and move on with a more realistic path in today's Asian society.

I'd in fact done some simple interior designing of my future house, comprising of only the monotones. I find it really interesting and life would be more meaningful if I have such a simple-yet-complex retreat after a long day of hardwork at my workplace (most probably, the morgue i guess...) hahax!

I'm aware that most people think that black and white symbolises cold and lack of warmth but to me, no matter how cosy a house may look but it'll never be a house full of warmth if the residents of the house don't portray such warmth. So, I shall not be pulled back by such "traditional" thoughts and will most likely get on with my designs when the time arrives. In my humble opinion, warmth comes from a loving heart, and not from the outward facade of a person/a house. Thus, a black-and-white combination can also bring out warmth if the person wearing/ owning it has a loving heart.

I've always envied career women who succeed in their career based solely on their own capabilities and persistence. I wish I can be just like them when I grow up and make a name for myself in the forensic field. I feel blessed to own qualities such as persistence, justice-oriented, law-abiding, never-say-die attitude and also patriotisme towards not only my country but also to whatever club/society I'm involved in. I believe I'm also a responsible person and a perfectionist who only pursue perfections in every little thing I do, before I consider it an accomplishment. Thus, I shall apply all these qualities in my daily life and also in my future occupation as a forensic scientist.

Pathologist? Medical Examiner? Crime Laboratory Analyst? Crime Scene Investigator? Crime Toxicologist? Entomologist? Criminal Psychologist? I haven't decided on which field of Forensics I'm going to venture into, but well, most likely I'll pick ME/Pathologist/CLA because I wish to be directly involved in case-cracking with the police, using my scientific knowledge, going all out fighting for justice for the dead. I'll never permit myself to leave out any evidence that will bring justice to light.

"Leave no stone unturned." -Metamorphosis-

"Nobody ever commits a crime without doing something stupid." -Oscar Wilde-

"Black and white - Evil vs Good - Justice will prevail" -Hazel-

The girl who has a typical intolerance towards injustice.

Hazel.