My Deepest Heartfelt Gratitude...

It was a lesson learnt. Although there's still sadness and dissatisfaction in a little corner of my heart, but i just had to let go.

I strongly believe that this bitter experience had taught me to be strong, facing the ups and downs of life (life is not a bed of roses). It taught me to be more mature, realising and understanding the darker side of life. I'd learnt to appreciate the good and refrain myself from the bad.

It had been very long since the last time i had a chance to express my feelings on my blog. Here i am, grasping this golden opportunity to thank everyone who had been supporting me...

Firstly, i would like to thank my parents who had been very supportive of me when i was facing difficulties and feeling down. They tried their very best to cheer me up.
It was difficult, i know. I just tried to smile but the vengeance in my heart just wouldn't allow me to smile. This must have made them deeply disappointed. I'm really sorry...

Besides i would also like to express my gratitude to my former form teacher and my headmistress.

My headmistress had given me ample support and encouragement that finally untied the knot in my heart.

She encouraged me to earn points through other alternatives. She also asked me to join the school's newsletter editorial board. It's indeed an honour to be selected as part of the school's newsletter editorial board. I am very glad and doubly honoured to say that i'm currently the president of the school's newsletter editorial board.

THANKS TEACHER!

Her words of encouragement were deeply etched in my mind. Her nice, calm and consoling way of handling this matter really touched me. Her concern towards this matter really brought justice to light. Although i'm not selected as a prefect, but i'm sure that the selection of prefect in future would be fair and square.

"Tell your friends that we teachers are also human. We appear to be fierce and strict sometimes in order to keep the students disciplined and well-behaved. Apart from that, we're actually kind and friendly soul. Tell them that they can see us and seek our advice whenever they face difficulties. Don't be afraid of us."

This was what she said to me. She's a nice friend to talk to, actually.

Do not be afraid of teachers. THEY ARE HUMAN TOO.

Lastly, i would also like to thank all my friends who had also stood by me when i was terribly down.

Now i'm a better person. I'm more matured and understanding. I'd finally seen the darker side of life. I shall be more careful and cautious.

In a nutshell,

THANKS A LOT!!!

Justice!!!

Why?

At first everyone was supporting me...

Everyone was telling me to go ahead and fight for what i deserve...

But now...

They're asking me to let the matter rest...

I'm expected to forgive and forget...

I'm expected to swallow my grievances!!!

It's definitely easy to ask someone to swallow his/her grievances..

BUT it's very tough for me to swallow such a cruel and brutal fact...

When i definitely deserve it!!!


Have anyone even thought of how would i feel when i see someone in that uniform?

Have they thought of how would i feel when there's an announcement about IT?


My eyes became teary everytime i think about it...

My heart is bleeding everytime the word "PREFECT" is mentioned...

And yet i'm supposed to bear with it...

ENDURE!!!

HOW???!!!

I'm very sure everyone who didn't see me in the uniform will ask me about the selection of prefect...

So, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REPLY?

Tell them about my grievances?

Tell them how unfairly treated am i in school?

Tell them how i had to swallow the grievances?

Tell them how i hated it but i had to accept it?

I don't hate my school...

BUT i hate the CULPRIT who tarnished my reputation and my future!!!!!!!!!!

I'm really heartbroken...

It affected my mood...

It affected me so much that i can't get into my studies...

Every second IT strike my already confused and muddled mind...

Every second i feel the piercing pain in my heart...


AND YET I'M EXPECTED TO LET THE MATTER REST???


JUST ACCEPT THE FACT???


THERE'S ALWAYS UPS AND DOWNS IN LIFE???


There's no way i'm letting it rest!!!

I hate them!!! I want JUSTICE!!!

JUSTICE!!!

JUSTICE!!!

Co-curricular activities...

In the eyes of all my friends, i'm a typical "study-girl" who detest extra-curricular activities, especially sports.

Well, maybe i do appear passive all the while in school. I seem to be a person who reject all requests and activities that got to do with sports. But that's in Form 1 and 2... NOT in Form 3 and 4... I'm trying to be as active as i can by taking part in all my club activities.


Actually i don't really hate sports. I love it. But i'm always not as good as my other friends. Perhaps i always place education in the first place. To me, i need to excel in studies more than in sports.


Previously, i was afraid that i would flop my studies once i start paying attention on sports. I guess i'm terribly wrong.


Now i'm trying to be active again. In fact, I'm becoming more active these days... I'm currently the Form 4 AJK of the Maths and Science Club, the patrol leader of Girl Guide, the leader of "Pasukan Bebas Denggi" and the BM editor in the school editorial board. I tried my very best to attend all the meetings held. I'm trying to earn points for my house (though i'm not an athlete) but i can contribute points to my house by doing well in "sukan tara" and by attending all the house practices. Despite being given the responsibility to hold all these posts, i'm still able to juggle my school work and extra-curricular activities. So, i definitely believe that i have the ability to be good and active in both my studies and extra-curricular activities.







I'M IN TAE KWON DO...

My favourite sport is Tae Kwon Do. Yes, i know. Many people who read this will be shocked. When i told my friends that i'm in the sport, they were like



"What?" "Huh?" "Are you sure?" "Are you kidding?"


and



"You don't look like one!"



Well, i know that... So please don't give me the same reaction or reply after reading this...I'm currently holding a red2 belt. I'm going for my black, if my instructor allow, most probably this year.

I'm not sure if i'm a good Tae Kwon Do member, but i do like it a lot!So now i'm trying my very best to train and improve all my moves, trying all the stunts that all my seniors can do easily(to me, as usual, is not an easy task), trying to memorise all the moves of the 8 Taeguek(s)...


I love it but it's really a "not-me" kind of sport...


But i'll try... I believe i can do it...







I LOVE BADMINTON

I'm currently addicted to badminton. It's a game that I really enjoy. I've been going out with my friends for badminton practically every week. Every session lasted for three long hours. Wow! We challenged each other in doubles matches. We jump, hit, stretch, run, smash! It's definitely a nice, interesting and exhausting game! Hahax!



?????????????????????SPORTS???????????????????????

THE LIGHT DIMMED...

At first, it was a smooth sailing journey when it started...


Everything seems to go well from the very first moment...


I was given a chance in many things...


I've changed a lot throughout the years...


I thought many would accept me...


IN FACT MANY ACCEPTED ME!!!


But WHY?


WHY?


WHY?


WHY?????!!!!!

My heart sank. Slowly tears began to trickle down my cheeks.

It was a huge setback. It was demoralising. It was disheartening.

It scarred my heart so deeply that i believed that it would never heal.

I was terribly confused. What have i done wrong?

One by one. The names on the list was read out. That moment was so nostalgic and unnerving. I've been through that once, 3 years ago. My heart was thumping with anticipation and at the same time worry for not being one of them.

It happened before. I didn't want this bitter history to repeat itself.

But what can i do? Once again i was left out.

Why? I just couldn't understand.

I tried to keep calm. I started thinking. I tried to smile at my other friends who's names were in the list. I just couldn't force the smile. It was so tough. Tears flooded my eyes every time i looked at them. I was terribly confused. I wanted to get out of the class as soon as possible. I didn't want to show my disappointment. I tried to put up a strong front. The more i try, the harder it becomes. I forced myself to concentrate on teacher's teachings and explanations for about an hour before school ends. I couldn't talk because once i start talking i felt like crying. I struggled with my own feelings. I told myself to be strong. STRONG!!!

When i got into the car, i couldn't endure the pain anymore. The stinging pain in my broken heart. I broke down. I burst into tears. I just couldn't believe it. My hopes were dashed in split seconds. I revealed my grievances to my mum. She immediately phoned the teachers concerned. She asked for a valid reason why i wasn't chosen when 17 of my classmates were being selected?

Did i do anything wrong? I don't think so. I don't "ponteng" any of my lesson. I make sure i abide by the school rules. I don't even dare to violate the school rules... NOT EVEN A SINGLE BIT! I don't commit crimes or delinquencies... I tried my best to do all the duties that were entrusted to me. WHY???

All my friends were surprised. They were shocked.

One of my teacher said that i was too quiet in class. I hardly spoke. I was not active enough. I didn't fit the requirements for the selection.

Is it true? I'm definitely not living in self-denial. I need to clarify this matter!!!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

First: Academic

I'm the top in the form since Primary 2 (I'm currently in Form 4). I always attain straight A's in all my tests and exams. I scored 7 A's in PMR. My percentage for all my exams are well above 92% last year. I can write well in both Bahasa Melayu and English.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Second: Extra-curricular Activities

Posts in school:

a) Form 1 - Class Assistant Monitor

- QM member

b) Form 2 - Math AJK

- QM member

c) Form 3 - KH AJK

- QM member

d) Form 4 - Additional Math AJK

- Head of Pasukan Bebas Denggi Sekolah

- BM Editor of the school magazine

Club/Society: Maths and Science Club - Post: Form 4 AJK; involved in designing and decorating the club's board this year (2009)

Sports/House: St. T - Post: Normal member; but with full attendance since Form 1

Uniform body: Persatuan Pandu Puteri Malaysia - Post: Patrol leader (Hibiscus); passed the tenderfoot test in Form 2

Represented class in:

a) Spelling Bee in BM in Form 1

b) Pertandingan Pidato antara kelas-kelas tingkatan 3 - 2nd runner-up

c) Scavenger's Hunt in Form 3- Champion

Represented school in:

a) Pertandingan Sahibba peringkat daerah Johor Bahru in Form 2

b) Pertandingan Saintis Muda Sekolah Menengah Rendah peringkat daerah Johor Bahru in Form 3- Johan

c) Pertandingan Saintis Muda Sekolah Menengah Rendah peringkat negeri Johor in Form 3

Out-of-school activities:

Form 1 - MSIG Sudoku Showdown (State Level) - 2nd runner-up

Form 2 - MSIG Sudoku Showdown (National Level)

- NST Sudoku Challenge (State Level) - 1st runner-up

Form 3 - MSIG Sudoku Showdown (State Level)

- NST Sudoku Challenge (State Level)

- Perlawanan Tae Kwon Do Kelab Win Long - Poomsae Individual and Sparring

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Third: Discipline and Attitude

*This is according to my former form teacher. It's definitely not my own P.O.V.

"She is not quiet in class. In fact, she spoke to me very often. She's not afraid nor hesitate to ask me questions when she doesn't understand. She is active in class, for the right reason, when necessary. She is not overly noisy nor talkative. All her homework is up to date. She paid full attention in class. She'll follow all the instructions given by her teachers."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, it is very obvious that i fulfilled all the criterias above. Why am i left out? Why am i not being chosen to be a school prefect?

WHY?????!!!!!

Now, my chance of either getting into matriculation or clinching a scholarship offered by the government and NGOs is getting slimmer. My path ahead is dimmed.

I have not enough points to support my academic result. I'm only taking 11 subjects for SPM. Scoring 11 1A's is definitely a common and average result today. Students nowadays are able to score more than 11 1A's. Therefore, i need a strong co-curricular back-up to allow me a higher chance to be offered scholarships. I desperately need it! Not because it is an honourable and glamourous thing to be a prefect but i really need the scholarship to further my studies after Form 5. My ambition is to be a Crime Laboratory Analyst (CLA) in Forensics. I'm working very hard towards my goal. I just need some extra back-ups.

WHY AM I DENIED OF THIS OPPORTUNITY???

---i just couldn't understand---