At first, it was a smooth sailing journey when it started...
Everything seems to go well from the very first moment...
I was given a chance in many things...
I've changed a lot throughout the years...
I thought many would accept me...
IN FACT MANY ACCEPTED ME!!!
But WHY?
WHY?
WHY?
WHY?????!!!!!
My heart sank. Slowly tears began to trickle down my cheeks.
It was a huge setback. It was demoralising. It was disheartening.
It scarred my heart so deeply that i believed that it would never heal.
I was terribly confused. What have i done wrong?
One by one. The names on the list was read out. That moment was so nostalgic and unnerving. I've been through that once, 3 years ago. My heart was thumping with anticipation and at the same time worry for not being one of them.
It happened before. I didn't want this bitter history to repeat itself.
But what can i do? Once again i was left out.
Why? I just couldn't understand.
I tried to keep calm. I started thinking. I tried to smile at my other friends who's names were in the list. I just couldn't force the smile. It was so tough. Tears flooded my eyes every time i looked at them. I was terribly confused. I wanted to get out of the class as soon as possible. I didn't want to show my disappointment. I tried to put up a strong front. The more i try, the harder it becomes. I forced myself to concentrate on teacher's teachings and explanations for about an hour before school ends. I couldn't talk because once i start talking i felt like crying. I struggled with my own feelings. I told myself to be strong. STRONG!!!
When i got into the car, i couldn't endure the pain anymore. The stinging pain in my broken heart. I broke down. I burst into tears. I just couldn't believe it. My hopes were dashed in split seconds. I revealed my grievances to my mum. She immediately phoned the teachers concerned. She asked for a valid reason why i wasn't chosen when 17 of my classmates were being selected?
Did i do anything wrong? I don't think so. I don't "ponteng" any of my lesson. I make sure i abide by the school rules. I don't even dare to violate the school rules... NOT EVEN A SINGLE BIT! I don't commit crimes or delinquencies... I tried my best to do all the duties that were entrusted to me. WHY???
All my friends were surprised. They were shocked.
One of my teacher said that i was too quiet in class. I hardly spoke. I was not active enough. I didn't fit the requirements for the selection.
Is it true? I'm definitely not living in self-denial. I need to clarify this matter!!!
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First: Academic
I'm the top in the form since Primary 2 (I'm currently in Form 4). I always attain straight A's in all my tests and exams. I scored 7 A's in PMR. My percentage for all my exams are well above 92% last year. I can write well in both Bahasa Melayu and English.
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Second: Extra-curricular Activities
Posts in school:
a) Form 1 - Class Assistant Monitor
- QM member
b) Form 2 - Math AJK
- QM member
c) Form 3 - KH AJK
- QM member
d) Form 4 - Additional Math AJK
- Head of Pasukan Bebas Denggi Sekolah
- BM Editor of the school magazine
Club/Society: Maths and Science Club - Post: Form 4 AJK; involved in designing and decorating the club's board this year (2009)
Sports/House: St. T - Post: Normal member; but with full attendance since Form 1
Uniform body: Persatuan Pandu Puteri Malaysia - Post: Patrol leader (Hibiscus); passed the tenderfoot test in Form 2
Represented class in:
a) Spelling Bee in BM in Form 1
b) Pertandingan Pidato antara kelas-kelas tingkatan 3 - 2nd runner-up
c) Scavenger's Hunt in Form 3- Champion
Represented school in:
a) Pertandingan Sahibba peringkat daerah Johor Bahru in Form 2
b) Pertandingan Saintis Muda Sekolah Menengah Rendah peringkat daerah Johor Bahru in Form 3- Johan
c) Pertandingan Saintis Muda Sekolah Menengah Rendah peringkat negeri Johor in Form 3
Out-of-school activities:
Form 1 - MSIG Sudoku Showdown (State Level) - 2nd runner-up
Form 2 - MSIG Sudoku Showdown (National Level)
- NST Sudoku Challenge (State Level) - 1st runner-up
Form 3 - MSIG Sudoku Showdown (State Level)
- NST Sudoku Challenge (State Level)
- Perlawanan Tae Kwon Do Kelab Win Long - Poomsae Individual and Sparring
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Third: Discipline and Attitude
*This is according to my former form teacher. It's definitely not my own P.O.V.
"She is not quiet in class. In fact, she spoke to me very often. She's not afraid nor hesitate to ask me questions when she doesn't understand. She is active in class, for the right reason, when necessary. She is not overly noisy nor talkative. All her homework is up to date. She paid full attention in class. She'll follow all the instructions given by her teachers."
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So, it is very obvious that i fulfilled all the criterias above. Why am i left out? Why am i not being chosen to be a school prefect?
WHY?????!!!!!
Now, my chance of either getting into matriculation or clinching a scholarship offered by the government and NGOs is getting slimmer. My path ahead is dimmed.
I have not enough points to support my academic result. I'm only taking 11 subjects for SPM. Scoring 11 1A's is definitely a common and average result today. Students nowadays are able to score more than 11 1A's. Therefore, i need a strong co-curricular back-up to allow me a higher chance to be offered scholarships. I desperately need it! Not because it is an honourable and glamourous thing to be a prefect but i really need the scholarship to further my studies after Form 5. My ambition is to be a Crime Laboratory Analyst (CLA) in Forensics. I'm working very hard towards my goal. I just need some extra back-ups.
WHY AM I DENIED OF THIS OPPORTUNITY???
---i just couldn't understand---
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