My Deepest Heartfelt Gratitude...

It was a lesson learnt. Although there's still sadness and dissatisfaction in a little corner of my heart, but i just had to let go.

I strongly believe that this bitter experience had taught me to be strong, facing the ups and downs of life (life is not a bed of roses). It taught me to be more mature, realising and understanding the darker side of life. I'd learnt to appreciate the good and refrain myself from the bad.

It had been very long since the last time i had a chance to express my feelings on my blog. Here i am, grasping this golden opportunity to thank everyone who had been supporting me...

Firstly, i would like to thank my parents who had been very supportive of me when i was facing difficulties and feeling down. They tried their very best to cheer me up.
It was difficult, i know. I just tried to smile but the vengeance in my heart just wouldn't allow me to smile. This must have made them deeply disappointed. I'm really sorry...

Besides i would also like to express my gratitude to my former form teacher and my headmistress.

My headmistress had given me ample support and encouragement that finally untied the knot in my heart.

She encouraged me to earn points through other alternatives. She also asked me to join the school's newsletter editorial board. It's indeed an honour to be selected as part of the school's newsletter editorial board. I am very glad and doubly honoured to say that i'm currently the president of the school's newsletter editorial board.

THANKS TEACHER!

Her words of encouragement were deeply etched in my mind. Her nice, calm and consoling way of handling this matter really touched me. Her concern towards this matter really brought justice to light. Although i'm not selected as a prefect, but i'm sure that the selection of prefect in future would be fair and square.

"Tell your friends that we teachers are also human. We appear to be fierce and strict sometimes in order to keep the students disciplined and well-behaved. Apart from that, we're actually kind and friendly soul. Tell them that they can see us and seek our advice whenever they face difficulties. Don't be afraid of us."

This was what she said to me. She's a nice friend to talk to, actually.

Do not be afraid of teachers. THEY ARE HUMAN TOO.

Lastly, i would also like to thank all my friends who had also stood by me when i was terribly down.

Now i'm a better person. I'm more matured and understanding. I'd finally seen the darker side of life. I shall be more careful and cautious.

In a nutshell,

THANKS A LOT!!!

Justice!!!

Why?

At first everyone was supporting me...

Everyone was telling me to go ahead and fight for what i deserve...

But now...

They're asking me to let the matter rest...

I'm expected to forgive and forget...

I'm expected to swallow my grievances!!!

It's definitely easy to ask someone to swallow his/her grievances..

BUT it's very tough for me to swallow such a cruel and brutal fact...

When i definitely deserve it!!!


Have anyone even thought of how would i feel when i see someone in that uniform?

Have they thought of how would i feel when there's an announcement about IT?


My eyes became teary everytime i think about it...

My heart is bleeding everytime the word "PREFECT" is mentioned...

And yet i'm supposed to bear with it...

ENDURE!!!

HOW???!!!

I'm very sure everyone who didn't see me in the uniform will ask me about the selection of prefect...

So, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO REPLY?

Tell them about my grievances?

Tell them how unfairly treated am i in school?

Tell them how i had to swallow the grievances?

Tell them how i hated it but i had to accept it?

I don't hate my school...

BUT i hate the CULPRIT who tarnished my reputation and my future!!!!!!!!!!

I'm really heartbroken...

It affected my mood...

It affected me so much that i can't get into my studies...

Every second IT strike my already confused and muddled mind...

Every second i feel the piercing pain in my heart...


AND YET I'M EXPECTED TO LET THE MATTER REST???


JUST ACCEPT THE FACT???


THERE'S ALWAYS UPS AND DOWNS IN LIFE???


There's no way i'm letting it rest!!!

I hate them!!! I want JUSTICE!!!

JUSTICE!!!

JUSTICE!!!

Co-curricular activities...

In the eyes of all my friends, i'm a typical "study-girl" who detest extra-curricular activities, especially sports.

Well, maybe i do appear passive all the while in school. I seem to be a person who reject all requests and activities that got to do with sports. But that's in Form 1 and 2... NOT in Form 3 and 4... I'm trying to be as active as i can by taking part in all my club activities.


Actually i don't really hate sports. I love it. But i'm always not as good as my other friends. Perhaps i always place education in the first place. To me, i need to excel in studies more than in sports.


Previously, i was afraid that i would flop my studies once i start paying attention on sports. I guess i'm terribly wrong.


Now i'm trying to be active again. In fact, I'm becoming more active these days... I'm currently the Form 4 AJK of the Maths and Science Club, the patrol leader of Girl Guide, the leader of "Pasukan Bebas Denggi" and the BM editor in the school editorial board. I tried my very best to attend all the meetings held. I'm trying to earn points for my house (though i'm not an athlete) but i can contribute points to my house by doing well in "sukan tara" and by attending all the house practices. Despite being given the responsibility to hold all these posts, i'm still able to juggle my school work and extra-curricular activities. So, i definitely believe that i have the ability to be good and active in both my studies and extra-curricular activities.







I'M IN TAE KWON DO...

My favourite sport is Tae Kwon Do. Yes, i know. Many people who read this will be shocked. When i told my friends that i'm in the sport, they were like



"What?" "Huh?" "Are you sure?" "Are you kidding?"


and



"You don't look like one!"



Well, i know that... So please don't give me the same reaction or reply after reading this...I'm currently holding a red2 belt. I'm going for my black, if my instructor allow, most probably this year.

I'm not sure if i'm a good Tae Kwon Do member, but i do like it a lot!So now i'm trying my very best to train and improve all my moves, trying all the stunts that all my seniors can do easily(to me, as usual, is not an easy task), trying to memorise all the moves of the 8 Taeguek(s)...


I love it but it's really a "not-me" kind of sport...


But i'll try... I believe i can do it...







I LOVE BADMINTON

I'm currently addicted to badminton. It's a game that I really enjoy. I've been going out with my friends for badminton practically every week. Every session lasted for three long hours. Wow! We challenged each other in doubles matches. We jump, hit, stretch, run, smash! It's definitely a nice, interesting and exhausting game! Hahax!



?????????????????????SPORTS???????????????????????

THE LIGHT DIMMED...

At first, it was a smooth sailing journey when it started...


Everything seems to go well from the very first moment...


I was given a chance in many things...


I've changed a lot throughout the years...


I thought many would accept me...


IN FACT MANY ACCEPTED ME!!!


But WHY?


WHY?


WHY?


WHY?????!!!!!

My heart sank. Slowly tears began to trickle down my cheeks.

It was a huge setback. It was demoralising. It was disheartening.

It scarred my heart so deeply that i believed that it would never heal.

I was terribly confused. What have i done wrong?

One by one. The names on the list was read out. That moment was so nostalgic and unnerving. I've been through that once, 3 years ago. My heart was thumping with anticipation and at the same time worry for not being one of them.

It happened before. I didn't want this bitter history to repeat itself.

But what can i do? Once again i was left out.

Why? I just couldn't understand.

I tried to keep calm. I started thinking. I tried to smile at my other friends who's names were in the list. I just couldn't force the smile. It was so tough. Tears flooded my eyes every time i looked at them. I was terribly confused. I wanted to get out of the class as soon as possible. I didn't want to show my disappointment. I tried to put up a strong front. The more i try, the harder it becomes. I forced myself to concentrate on teacher's teachings and explanations for about an hour before school ends. I couldn't talk because once i start talking i felt like crying. I struggled with my own feelings. I told myself to be strong. STRONG!!!

When i got into the car, i couldn't endure the pain anymore. The stinging pain in my broken heart. I broke down. I burst into tears. I just couldn't believe it. My hopes were dashed in split seconds. I revealed my grievances to my mum. She immediately phoned the teachers concerned. She asked for a valid reason why i wasn't chosen when 17 of my classmates were being selected?

Did i do anything wrong? I don't think so. I don't "ponteng" any of my lesson. I make sure i abide by the school rules. I don't even dare to violate the school rules... NOT EVEN A SINGLE BIT! I don't commit crimes or delinquencies... I tried my best to do all the duties that were entrusted to me. WHY???

All my friends were surprised. They were shocked.

One of my teacher said that i was too quiet in class. I hardly spoke. I was not active enough. I didn't fit the requirements for the selection.

Is it true? I'm definitely not living in self-denial. I need to clarify this matter!!!

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First: Academic

I'm the top in the form since Primary 2 (I'm currently in Form 4). I always attain straight A's in all my tests and exams. I scored 7 A's in PMR. My percentage for all my exams are well above 92% last year. I can write well in both Bahasa Melayu and English.

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Second: Extra-curricular Activities

Posts in school:

a) Form 1 - Class Assistant Monitor

- QM member

b) Form 2 - Math AJK

- QM member

c) Form 3 - KH AJK

- QM member

d) Form 4 - Additional Math AJK

- Head of Pasukan Bebas Denggi Sekolah

- BM Editor of the school magazine

Club/Society: Maths and Science Club - Post: Form 4 AJK; involved in designing and decorating the club's board this year (2009)

Sports/House: St. T - Post: Normal member; but with full attendance since Form 1

Uniform body: Persatuan Pandu Puteri Malaysia - Post: Patrol leader (Hibiscus); passed the tenderfoot test in Form 2

Represented class in:

a) Spelling Bee in BM in Form 1

b) Pertandingan Pidato antara kelas-kelas tingkatan 3 - 2nd runner-up

c) Scavenger's Hunt in Form 3- Champion

Represented school in:

a) Pertandingan Sahibba peringkat daerah Johor Bahru in Form 2

b) Pertandingan Saintis Muda Sekolah Menengah Rendah peringkat daerah Johor Bahru in Form 3- Johan

c) Pertandingan Saintis Muda Sekolah Menengah Rendah peringkat negeri Johor in Form 3

Out-of-school activities:

Form 1 - MSIG Sudoku Showdown (State Level) - 2nd runner-up

Form 2 - MSIG Sudoku Showdown (National Level)

- NST Sudoku Challenge (State Level) - 1st runner-up

Form 3 - MSIG Sudoku Showdown (State Level)

- NST Sudoku Challenge (State Level)

- Perlawanan Tae Kwon Do Kelab Win Long - Poomsae Individual and Sparring

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Third: Discipline and Attitude

*This is according to my former form teacher. It's definitely not my own P.O.V.

"She is not quiet in class. In fact, she spoke to me very often. She's not afraid nor hesitate to ask me questions when she doesn't understand. She is active in class, for the right reason, when necessary. She is not overly noisy nor talkative. All her homework is up to date. She paid full attention in class. She'll follow all the instructions given by her teachers."

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So, it is very obvious that i fulfilled all the criterias above. Why am i left out? Why am i not being chosen to be a school prefect?

WHY?????!!!!!

Now, my chance of either getting into matriculation or clinching a scholarship offered by the government and NGOs is getting slimmer. My path ahead is dimmed.

I have not enough points to support my academic result. I'm only taking 11 subjects for SPM. Scoring 11 1A's is definitely a common and average result today. Students nowadays are able to score more than 11 1A's. Therefore, i need a strong co-curricular back-up to allow me a higher chance to be offered scholarships. I desperately need it! Not because it is an honourable and glamourous thing to be a prefect but i really need the scholarship to further my studies after Form 5. My ambition is to be a Crime Laboratory Analyst (CLA) in Forensics. I'm working very hard towards my goal. I just need some extra back-ups.

WHY AM I DENIED OF THIS OPPORTUNITY???

---i just couldn't understand---

30th December 2008...
A date...
MOST ANTICIPATED...
yet
MOST TERRIFIED AND DREADED...
by all Form 3 students in Malaysia.

PMR IS OFFICIALLY OVER!!!

HOW'S THE RESULTS?

THE DEFINING MOMENT...
It was a moment of anticipation. We held each other's trembling hands, drenched in cold, cold sweat that make us shiver when we stepped into the hall. Would it be a place of DEATH or would it be a place full of HOPE? We hugged each other. We prayed for all our friends. We held on to our friends. Our hearts raced furiously, making us terrified and petrified. The worst nightmare flashed through our "scare-stricken" minds. Argghh!! The feeling is pure torture to us. Every second ticked away slowly. Scary, depressing questions popped into our head one after another. We held our breath, every step we took brought us closer to our result.

HOW'S THE RESULT?

DID I GET STRAIGHT A'S?

AND THE ANSWER IS...

YES!!!!!

I MANAGED TO GET THE RESULT
THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED...

I GOT 7 A'S!!!

SAME GOES TO MY FRIENDS!!!

Thanks GOD!!! Thank you so much!!!
Thanks MUM & DAD!!!
Thanks TEACHERS!!!

Here i would like to express my deepest appreciation and gratitude to all my teachers in Form 1, 2 and 3.
They did their very best to help and guide us since the first day we enter our beloved school.
There's no "BORED" or "FED UP" in their teaching manual.
They tried to feed us with as much information as they can to help us obtain good results in PMR!
They help us in all ways although this does not benefit them at all.
It just give them extra WORKLOAD, extra PRESSURE, extra HEADACHE, extra STRESS, extra this, extra that...
They did all this just for the sake of US!!!
They just want to see us achieving excellence in PMR and also in our LIFE.
Their sacrifices have brought us SUCCESS!!
Thanks Teachers!!! Thank You So Much!!!

SPECIAL THANKS TO THE FOLLOWING TEACHERS...
*I shan't mention their full name but i think all my schoolmates will be able to know who they are...
Bm- En. L.S.C
Eng- Pn. E.C
Math- Cik M.L
Sc- Pn. N
Sej- Pn. N. R & Pn. S
Geo- En. A
Kemahiran Hidup- Pn. K & Pn. K

Thanks Teachers!!!

WHO AM I?

I'm very sure this question will cross everyone's mind ...

WHO AM I?

This question pop into our minds not because we don't know who we are or we've grown totally senile that we've forgotten our names...

Perhaps the real reason is we don't know;

i. how's our character like?
ii. what's people's impression of us when they first see us?
iii. why do we change so much from year to year when we're just a year older?
iv. what do i really like? OR am i just following the trend, trying to stay on the beaten track?
v. why are we so fickle minded when we're asked to make a decision? OR is it because we don't know what we want?
vi. why do we disobey order when we know that it should be obeyed?

There are many other questions that question us about ourselves...

DO WE HAVE DOUBLE PERSONALITY?
DO WE KNOW OURSELVES ?
DO WE KNOW WHAT WE ACTUALLY WANT?

We tend to follow the footsteps of our parents, siblings, friends, idols...

But we follow just to show that;
i. we are not backdated...
ii. we are not outdated...
iii. we are matured...
iv. we possess the same ability as the person we hero-worshipped...
v. we want to be as capable as the people we idolised...
vi. we want to have a common topic to talk about when we group together with our friends

WHY ?
ARE WE COPYCATS?

Many people are not pursuing their own dreams, instead they are pursuing the dreams of their parents...
Many chose their career path, not based on their interest and capability, instead they chose it because of the market demand or the high pay offered..
Many ended up quitting their jobs or feeling stressed up as they don't fully enjoy or do their jobs willingly...

So we are the ones who determine our future, right?
Why do we follow others?

Besides our future and ambition, we mimic our more popular friends or seniors just to get attention...

Why don't we have our own style and character?
Why do we have to mimic others?

We follow other's apparel and outlook...
We wear dresses following the latest trend although it doesn't really suit us at all...
We don't mind wearing clothings that make us feel uncomfortable all because we want to look as trendy as our pals...

Many of you out there might be shaking your heads or getting really fed up with this denial...

BUT think again!!!

We might not know ourselves that well...

However, we should give this issue a serious thought. We should give ourselves a real and definite personality that suits us as this will make us more likeable and appealing...

WHY BE OTHERS WHEN WE ARE OURSELVES?
WHY MIMIC OTHERS WHEN WE ARE BORN AS DIFFERENT INDIVIDUALS?

GIVE IT A THOUGHT!!!

PMR Results!!! ARGGH!

20 days to go...

The most dreaded day by all form three students!

It's the PMR result day!

The thought of it itself is murderous!

PMR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will i get 7A's?
Will i live up to my expectations?

Will i be able to enter 4Sc1?

Will my friends get straight A's?

Will we be in the same class next year?

Will my school hit the targeted result?

WILL I REALLY GET 7A'S?

All these questions kept popping into my mind everytime i pass by the school, when i see my friends, when chatting with my friends, when looking at my friends' sisters who had received their UPSR results, when closing my eyes, in my dreams...

ARGGH!!!

I hope that this will stop ASAP!

But i don't want to get my result so soon!!!

Oh GOD!!!

Someone HELP!!!

It's so torturing!

I believe that many of my friends are facing this traumatic problem (or maybe even all of them)!

I believe that the teachers are looking forward to our results too!

Will it be a HAPPY or SAD event?

The result day is just days before my 15th birthday?

Will i have a HAPPY or SAD birthday?

It's so depressing!

If anyone of you face the same problem, or maybe you've experience all this before, you're welcomed to share your rather MIXED and CONFUSED feelings with me at hazelyi@hotmail.com or you can just tag me...

*Because an extra companion will at least be able to calm and comfort our soul... Hahax!!!*

ARGGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!